Approval

 
Your words control me
I want your approval
Please do not criticise
Just to say well done
 
I need your approval
It makes me happy
But do I really?
Will it make me whole?
 
I fear your criticism
I want you to like me
To have a good opinion of me
And be please with my doings
 
But this is wrong of me
I am looking to the wrong person
For approval and love
True joy will never be gained here
 
I am being deceived
All my life this has been my aim
To get approval from others
To think that completes me
 
Worldly love is great
But it is not the end
To gain complete joy
I need to raise my eyes higher
 
I am already accepted
I was chosen before I was born
I am wanted and overall I am truly loved
I have nothing to prove
 
Jo Anne Kennedy
August 2020

Open Your Eyes

 

Everyday brings new problems

If it is not one thing, it is another

And you always find something to complain about

And it is never your fault

 

People are angry with you

And you seem to not know why

People are in tears over you

But it passes you by

 

You sit and say you have no idea

Why things are falling apart

You blame others for the demise

Of the empire you believe you built

 

The truth is things get better

In the time you were away

And it is only since your return

That the cracks are showing again

 

You bring hurt and pain

With every word you say

Every action you make

Brings a little more destruction

 

Will, you ever wake up to see?

The trail of hurt you have caused

Or are you so self centered

That you only care about you?

 

Please open your eyes

To see the pain and hurt in people’s eyes

And realise what you are doing

Before anyone else get hurts

 

 

Jo Anne Kennedy

August 2020

The More I Hear About You

 

The more I hear about you

The more I dislike you

And also dislike myself

For thinking you were decent

 

The more I hear about you

The more I regret my past

And believing in you

And the words you said

 

The more I hear about you

The more I begin to realise

That it is you who is the common denominator

In the pollution of the atmosphere

 

The more I hear about you

The more I can see

That people are hurt and scared

By the way you treated them

 

The more I hear about you

The more I wonder

Do you actually realise

The pain and the hurt you have caused

 

The more I hear about you

The more I am sympathetic

With the puppy dog who follows you

And worships your every word

 

The more I hear about you

The more I wonder

Would life be better?

If I had never met you

Need to Let Go

My heart is with you

When it’s not meant to be

My heart should be with another

He is all I need

But I want you

Even though I can’t have you

I need to focus on the one

Who truly loves me

And accepts me for who I am

You, I need to let go

But it is extremely hard

When in you are on my mind daily

You will never love me

The way I deserve

As your heart is with another

But how do I let you go

How do I just walk away?

And leave you behind

How do I walk towards the one?

Who I don’t deserve

But who truly loves me

He is the one who deserves my focus

He is the one I truly need

It’s his love that will see me through

He loves me no matter what

He forgives all my sins

And has eyes only for me

What a man is he?

Who just loves me for me?

One who is undeserving of love

April 2020

Jo Anne Kennedy

Overcompensate

I try my best

Actually, I try to be better

I overcompensate

I need to prove myself

Prove that I am the same

That I am equal

That I pull my weight

So they can’t complain

I end up suffering

And unable to do things

So I feel useless

I feel like a failure

But why do I do this?

I have no need too

It is because I am afraid

Afraid of the judgment

But those who matter

They do not care

Their main concern

Is that I take care of myself

So now with time on my hands

I sit back and think

Who or what is important

Whose opinion matters?

What matters is me

That I am well enough

I need to say no to them

And look after myself

My health is important

It makes me able to be and do

To be there for others

And help those in time of need

Jo Anne Kennedy

April 2020

Thank You

To the one who safely delivered me

Into this crazy world

I want to say Thank You

To the ones who stitched me up

When I split my head open twice

I want to say Thank You

To the one who listened to me

When I was at my lowest

I want to say Thank You

To the one who held my hand

When I was scared on my own

I want to say Thank You

To the one who put me to sleep

So surgery could be performed

I want to say Thank You

To the one who saw my pain

And helped me walk through it

I want to say Thank You

To the one who stuck with me

And forced me to do my exercises

I want to say Thank You

To the one who showed me compassion

When breaking bad news

I want to say Thank You

To the ones who took care of me

When I couldn’t catch a breath

I want to say Thank You

Thank you to all those

Who have been there for me

To many times for me to count

I appreciate all the care and support

I have had throughout the years

I want to say Thank You

Thank you to the NHS

Jo Anne Kennedy

April 2020

Wonder Why?

Every day I go to work

And I wonder why

Why am I here

Are we admin even valued?

Does our work matter?

Printing papers, checking emails

How does that help anyone?

Have we a purpose?

It feels like it is nonsense

That we are there fill seats

Or getting in the way

Of the managers who matter

But when it comes down to it

We all need to realise

That no matter what our job is

We all have a part to play

It may feel like it’s not important

The work that you do

You may feel unappreciated

And fed up of staring at a screen

But it important to realise

That there is always someone out there

Who appreciates what you do

Probably more than you will ever know

Jo Anne Kennedy

April 2020

COVID-19

It’s been a strange time

Of panic buying

And a lack of provisions

In the supermarkets

All the shelves are empty

With no roll on sale anywhere

People are stressed

Of this deadly virus

That is rampant on our streets

Countries are in lockdown

Streets are empty

Famous landmarks are left alone

People are sick and dying

PPE is nowhere to be found

And hospital beds are overflowing

New hospitals arise

Nurses are seen for what they are

The true heroes of the NHS

The under-skilled in Boris’ eyes

And now the ones being praised

And applauded by all of us

The unseen ones are now being seen

From the shelf stacks to the lorry drivers

They are risking their lives for us

So I hope when ‘normality’ comes again

These people will not disappear

Behind the class system again

Jo Anne Kennedy

April 2020

Never Going to Know

I am never going to know

What it is like

To say goodbye

To a one true love

I am never going to know

What it is like

To sit at a bedside

And hold their hand

I am never going to know

What it is like

To see them go

Right before my eyes

I am never going to know

What it is like

To have my heartbreak

When the end has come

I am never going to know

What all that is like

And at this moment

That breaks my heart

I am never going to know

What it is like

To be in a world of pain

At the thought of the final goodbye

Jo Anne Kennedy

April 2020

Lonely and Needy

Instead of hating you

And being in despair

Over the things you say

I have come to realise

I need to love you

In your brokenness

You are lonely and needy

So instead of talking back

I am going to love you

However, for that, I will need strength

Because although grace is needed

I struggle with that when it comes to you

But I am forgiven and accepted

So I need to do the same

No matter how much it pains me

Jo Anne Kennedy

January 2020

Too Many Thoughts

Too many thoughts

In my head

Some good, some bad

But all causing confusion

Voices telling me things

Which I don’t want to hear

‘They don’t like you’

‘He is fed up with you’

Lies but still I believe

Because I am insecure

And want to feel the warmth

Of being liked and loved

I need to say no the lies

And think on real terms

As well as focusing on the truth

That I am loved by people

However, the lies still take hold

As when you speak to me

Or don’t speak to me

My brain runs riot

What did he mean by that?

Why did he ignore me?

What did that face mean?

What have I done?

All these crushing thoughts

Hitting my head

Gnawing at my nervous system

And driving me mad

I need to breathe

And to remember

To take everything at face value

And believe I am loved

Jo Anne Kennedy

January 2020

Three People

Three People

This is what he told me

I see three people

One young, one middling and the other old

All outspoken

Three Women

All different ages

But with one thing in common

Their faith

Three stages of faith

A new convert

One with 20 years gone

And one who never said

These three people, he said

All have faith

With two I can see it

But the other one hides it

They all act differently

One judges, causes pain and  manipulates

One sees the world as new

And the other is just holding on

Three people, one faith

Two show Jesus

While one hides him

When actually she really needs him

He said that this one

Would not entice him to faith

Because she is a hypocrite

And only thinks of herself

The other two show him love

They are transparent in their faith

You know where they stand

And where you stand with them

He said it’s better to be open

As closed people are false

And cause damage to those around them

While the others radiate love

Jo Anne Kennedy

January 2020

Community

We are called to be a community

To be there for others in need

To let them know we care

The people at the front they share

About the love they are shown

And the care they give

When people are being talked about

It is always the same people

Week in and week out

What about the forgotten ones

The ones sitting at home in pain

With loneliness closing in

Does anyone think of them?

Do people go and visit them?

Or even just give them a call?

Jo Anne Kennedy

December 2019

Place of Love

It is meant to be a place of love

A place to feel belonging

Somewhere that you can feel free

To share what you want

When one person hurts, we all hurt

Is that the truth?

When one person cries, we all cry

Does that really happen?

It is a place fill of people

Yet it can be very lonely

Yes people say hello

But you can still sit there alone

It is a difficult place to be

Full of cliques and favourites

The same people doing everything

And only the best at that!

What about exclusivism?

Are we not all the same in God’s eyes?

If so, why the differences

Between the greats and the forgotten?

Jo Anne Kennedy

December 2019

Thank You

They make me feel small

As if I am not there

Ignoring me when I speak

As if I am clueless

They don’t even see me

To them I am invisible

A piece of dust to be cleaned away

Someone with no worth

But you, you are different

To you, I am the only one in the room

The most important of all

A precious diamond jewel

To you I am worth something

Your love for me never fails

And this makes me smile

And helps me live a day longer

I yearn for the day

When I can be with you

But for now, I will settle

With knowing you are with me

No matter where I go

You are always there

Looking out for me

In everything I do

So to that, I say thank you

Thank you for being you

And loving me for who I am

Even with my imperfections

Jo Anne Kennedy

November 2019

He Said/She Said

You said you were done

But then we sorted things

Even though I had issues

But it was clear you did

Now two weeks later

It is back to bucks

I am scared to ask anything

Because you bite my head off

Yet I am the one who is to blame

Apparently, I made you sick

Well whatever you say

I am not that powerful

I am not sure what to believe

Or who to believe

Because I can no longer trust anyone

As gossip is spread

It is a he said/she said environment

It feels like a school playground

With people being pushed around

And others are not invited to play

Jo Anne Kennedy

November 2019

Press Decline

I am craving what I cannot have

The unforbidden fruit for me

That is a chat with you

All I want is to talk to you

With no strings attached

Just to go back to the past

I sometimes miss what we had

But when I think about it

I realise I am better off this way

Because you are bad for me

You make me feel inferior

And treat me unfairly

So why would anyone miss that

Miss being put down

And dirty looks thrown our way

For me, it is best to walk on

When you come near me

And press decline when you call

I need my sanity

I have enough going on in my head

Without you intruding my thoughts

Jo Anne Kennedy

November 2019

Queen Bee

You never change

You still walk around

With your head lifted high

You still walk like you own the place

Saying hello to who you want

And walking past others

With you, it is always been a game,

Of pick and chose

And who you want to be seen with

You are no longer Queen Bee

But I think someone forgot to tell you

Because you are still buzzing around

If you talk to someone

You expect that person

To believe it is a privilege

You never laugh, you never smile

You just walk-in all serious

As if we are all beneath you

Oh how I wish I could bring you down

And put you in your proper place

And leave you to wallow in that

Jo Anne Kennedy

November 2019

Rhetorical Question

Here I am limping around

But without the stick this time

When someone says to me

You haven’t for your stick

You must be better

Oh how I wanted to scream

It’s not all about the stick you know

Things happen which you cannot see

Like me forgetting who you are

Or what word I am meant to write

My concentration leaves me

And I’m in a world of fog and confusion

Not knowing what has just been said

And getting told off for not listening

Oh how I wish I was perfect like them

When I am out at things

I generally put a mask on

And keep my feelings to myself

Because when someone asks who you are

It is really a rhetorical question

People can be superficial

They look at the outward appearance

And the feelings of the heart

Really don’t matter to them

It is just a question you ask

Jo Anne Kennedy

November 2019

Restlessness

I cannot settle

My heart will not rest

And my head is spinning

The thoughts whirl around

Creating sadness

And it aches my heart

The lies come now

With words of pain

That I am not good enough

Then I hear a whisper

A voice calling to me

You are not good enough for me

It’s that voice I should listen to

One of love and compassion

The one who created me

The restlessness comes from the self

The one I am bound in

And what my life consists of

But that should not be the case

As I am called to love others

So my mind must turn to them

Jo Anne Kennedy

December 2019

Is the Door Open?

Is the door open?

Can I get through?

Will you help me?

Or leave me here?

I need a wee push

As there is a stop here

How can I get in?

If you put obstacles in the way?

Is this for everyone?

Is it accessible to all?

If so why no spaces for me

Why do I have to sit at the back?

That is another obstacle for me

As I cannot hear you speak

Or read what is on the screen

Because I am at the back

Is this a friendly place?

Will people speak to me?

Because so far I have been ignored

People just stare then walk away

Is this not a place for everyone?

A place to be accepted by all

To be loved no matter what

To be seen as an equal

If so, then I haven’t seen it

I do not believe that this is the way

That Jesus would have been

Distant and uncaring

No, he would have been with the lowest

The ones who are in need of help

Those who are marginalized

And those who are forgotten

Is this not how you should be?

Why so many obstacles to prevent me

Being able to feel a part of the church

And feel loves like Jesus loves

Jo Anne Kennedy

December 2019

Hypocritical

I hear people tell me

Of your concern for me

But please don’t blame me

If I find it hard to believe

For one if it was truly the case

Then where have you been

Why haven’t you shown your face?

And show me that you care

It’s because you are the hypocrite

But I am the one who is told off

Because I ignore you

But I am just doing what I am told

You said no contact

So I am obeying your orders

Maybe you should take your own advice

And leave me alone

Jo Anne Kennedy

October 2019

Common Ground

You and me

We come from different places

But we meet on common ground

That is hard to do these days

And not easy to sustain

So sometimes we falter

But the truth is

That no matter what happens

We have each other’s back

We see each other’s past

And in our own individual ways

We let each other know we care

Jo Anne Kennedy

October 2019